I had my first date with Travis last night... Honestly it's nice to start over. like incredibly nice. My relationship with Ashton was great at the beginning, and it always starts that way doesn't it? But we just got to the point where I couldn't handle talking to him, I would ignore him if he pissed me off and we would go hours or a day without talking, or I mean.. he would text me but I wouldn't respond. Just getting away from that, and getting away from justin as well.. has been amazing. I felt so bummed out. I felt depressed for losing one relationship and then angry at myself for letting a second person slip through my hands too but honestly, it was my choice. It was all a choice. it was a choice for that weekend to go badly. It was a choice to not be able to work things out. It wasn't all just MY choice but also his choice as well. But still, maybe he'll come back in a year or so and tell me he wants to be together. I just hope I can look him in the eyes and tell him I'm sorry but no. I tend to forgive people too easily, I give them more chances to hurt me and I don't want to be that way anymore. I already offered my friendship to ashton, I offered him a second chance at us. He ignored my text message. Guess I got a good taste of my own medicine, didn't I?
Anyways.. Back to the date. So it was our first time meeting after we have been talking for a good.. year? Idk. On and off. But it was very natural of a meeting. I don't know, he hugged me instantly and told me how nice it was to finally meet me. We got in his car and drove around to find a place to roll a blunt, then he took us to a little spot on the lake to smoke, it was freezing cold though.. we smoked and talked and laughed and joked and flirted a little bit then went back to his car. We drove around and just talked for a little bit and then decided to go to a hookah lounge. Not the best place for a first date but it was all spontaneous and last minute, not like we had planned an actual romantic date or anything. He paid for everything. We enjoyed the hookah, though it both made us sick after a while. We watched a very intoxicated girl grind against a clearly nervous indian guy, It was pretty funny. I really enjoyed that, it was very entertaining.. It was a very loud environment, like crazy loud so it was hard to talk but we could still hear eachother if we raised our voices. After we left there, we rolled up another blunt and went to his house and smoked there. It was funny though because we looked at the clouds and they formed a small little heart, and I said "look, thats the universe talking to you" and he laughed.. and the heart changed and then he said "look, it got bigger" and surely enough, it had. And thats when I felt healed. Thats when I had realized that I was over the break up, I wasn't bitter about Ashton, I wasn't interested in going back to an ex-boyfriend, I was/am ready to move on and start over with somebody new. The universe told me that it was time to move on and heal, and I will be damned if I tell it no. I had him take me back to my car after that though, and I made a little sexy flirtacious joke and he said "well, We have to start somewhere and leaned over to me, I leaned in and we kissed... and then kept kissing and he put his hand on my neck, and it was just wow. I forgot how much I enjoyed first kisses with people. It's always a new interesting experience. I just wanted to keep kissing him but he pulled away and smiled and said he had to leave me wanting more for next time. So we both got out of his car and he opened my car door for me and as we said goodbye we kissed again. He's a lot taller than me so I was on my tippy toes a little bit but i had my hands wrapped around his neck and it was.. I don't even know. It felt so natural and comfortable. I wasn't nervous to kiss him (maybe that was the weed or the xanax i had taken) but I was so relaxed. I enjoyed it very much. As soon as I got in my car, I said "oh my GOD" out loud and texted my best friend telling her how much of an amazing kisser he was (of course she was asleep and didn't respond but I HAD TO TELL SOMEONE.) and the whole ride home I would instantly bite my lip if i thought about kissing him... It was a long drive home but honestly it was worth it. I got home about 2am, ate some food and crashed. Then I went to work in the morning and theres a guy named Andrew I work with... and he's a lot older than me... but we flirted like hardcore the entire shift and he finally asked for my number, I gave it to him and we've been talking ever since. He seems pretty nice, I don't expect us to really go anywhere but thats the fun of everything.. Never know who I will end up with next, or what will happen, if ashton will come back out of the blue, or somebody even more new. I don't know. I'm really excited for this next chapter of my life though, regardless of what happens. I feel like i've closed a book. But I know all too well, that this chapter will be over shortly and my negative feelings will come back. I'm enjoying it while it lasts though.
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