I Remember

I Remember,

Nothing much happened today, but that doesn't stop me from thinking about you. I text you but you never respond, I can't decide if it's because you honestly forget to text back or if it's because you just don't want to talk to me or if it's because of her. But today, I was searching for a picture to add to my blog post and I found this one (above). It reminded me that I should probably talk about this subject. I really did love you, and that's true. You bring up this subject a lot, I know you doubt my love for you and you don't think I ever did truly love you, but I don't know how you can say that. You aren't in my mind, you don't know how I feel about you, you don't know how much my heart sparked and beat so fast every time you'd kiss me, or how happy I felt when you would just hold me in your arms and talk about the things bothering you, or when you'd always make me laugh and try to make me sit on your lap. I still remember the night that we sat in my backyard, sitting in separate chairs because we were fighting, our moms were discussing things inside but we didn't care, we just sat there and talked about everything that was troubling us, I sobbed so hard but it was really the best night of our relationship, I can't even remember what we talked about but I do remember how much I cared for you in that instant and how in love I was with you (and still am), I do remember however, that I reached over and I took your hand and I pulled you to me so that you'd sit next to me, you hesitated at first but you dropped your shields and wrapped your arms around me. You wiped the tears off of my face every time they fell. That was the sweetest thing that I still remember you did. You hated to see me cry, so you would wipe them away and kiss my lips to make me feel better. Fuck. We were perfect together, why am I the only one that sees that? and most importantly why can't you see that? I hate the girl you're with now, I know I shouldn't but I do, I'm so jealous of her because she has you. I don't think that shes a bad person or anything, I think she cares about you a lot, she's really pretty too, prettier then me, prettier then I will ever be even, she sounds really sweet, sounds like she cares for him, I think that it's possible she can manipulate him a little bit, she told him that she was going to leave him if he talked to me for crying out loud. but that's the only really bad thing I've noticed except, I think they rushed the relationship.. Engaged after about 4 months of knowing each other, and sex after about 1 month of knowing each other. I don't know what's going on in his mind, If he's completely blind to what hes doing, I really wish he would just wake up. I don't want him to wake up and realize the huge mistake he's in, because by then he'll have kids and the break-up would be very hard, or he might even feel trapped and not even try to leave. Or maybe I'm just trying to create problems where there are none, He might just honestly be happy with her, happier then he was with me. I have no clue, I can't just peek into his mind or anything, and I don't want to challenge his relationship with her either because that would make me look like a bad person. Anyways, today was my ranting blog instead of a "life lesson". All well. Today was a good day to reminisce.