Holding On

\\\\Holding On,////

Sometimes I feel like, things will go back to the way they used to be if I wait long enough. The days when everything was alright, there were no worries and no cares, it was just you and me. We were so madly in love, and nobody else in the world mattered. Time seemed to stop and stand still when we were together, when you held me so close. Then when the moment we had to part came, I wouldn't want to let you go. We'd end up having to rush to class because we stuck together till the very last moment, and then I'd text you and make sure that you made it there in time. Then every passing period, I'd be so excited to see you and hold you again, even if it was just for only a few minutes. I never worried about my friends, never worried what they thought about us, I never let anyone's judgments get to me. I knew that they could never understand what had overtaken me. You were everything I wanted and more, I could have never imagined anyone better for myself, than you.  I can't pinpoint when the problems started, but I wish I would have understood my feelings for you sooner then I did, I didn't know if I loved you, I wasn't sure if it was just infatuation. Everyone was just telling me that we were no good for each other, that we just wanted each other for sex. I didn't feel like that's what it was, but still I had no clue because I had never felt actual true love before. You are the one that taught me love, but you also taught me heartbreak. I know that we both made mistakes, and that we both had our issues. I wish that things could have been different, but wishing will do nothing. I'm never going to let him go, and I hope that my future boyfriend, husband, anyone that ever matters to me in the future, will understand. I fear that I will never give up my feelings for him. It's been months that we've been broken up and I still think about him everyday, I'm so glad that we're at least talking now and that I know he forgives me. But his forgiveness is so confusing, I told him just to leave it all in the past, don't let it follow you, don't let our past relationship and pain and things, affect how he sees me now. But I know it will, I know it will always cloud his judgement of me, and that is what hurts, That I could never possibly erase everything bad he thinks of me. I know if he could just fall in love again, the pain would be forgotten and I could have a second chance. But even if we did get into another relationship, I pray that I would be able to control things better then before, and not have a repeat of the first one. I have faith that it would be totally different, because of all the heartbreak and pain and suffering, I've had to go through, I believe I'm a stronger person and more emotionally capable of being in a relationship. It has taken some time but now I feel like I could be his perfect girlfriend. If only he'd give me a chance. If he wanted a second chance with me, I'd gladly give it to him. I've already forgotten all the pain and hurt that he has caused me. I only have the memories of the love and caring and kindness that he tried to give to me for the longest time, but i was not capable of accepting it. Now I am. Please hear my plea, and let me be the one girl that you never worry about leaving you. I've been dedicated to you since the first day, hasn't that been obvious?

 I am  completely in love with you.