Choose Love

Choose Love,

I'm tired today. I'm tired of the tears, I'm tired of the heartbreak, I'm tired of the silence, I'm tired of being ignored, I'm tired of trying to be happy all the time. The matter of the fact is, I'm SAD. I'm VERY sad. I miss you like fucking crazy and everything reminds me about you. Nobody sees the pain in my eyes when I have to smile and laugh when they bring up something you used to do when we all hung out.. Nobody is ever going to replace you.. They just simply can't. Nobody is going to fill the whole in my heart and make it all better again. No guy will ever be able to sweep me off my feet and forget everything that happened between me and you. Why life is so unfair? I found my happiness, I relied on it, I smiled every-day, but I thought it was too good to be true and now it's gone, Now I can't go a single day without busting into tears over you. It doesn't matter that you can go several days without even thinking about me, I can't. What type of "phase" last over 6 months?! I don't think I'm ever going to get over you. There is no "moving" on, I just wish nobody would ever mutter the phrase "move on" towards me because I can't and believe me if I could I fucking would, because it hurts so much to be in love with somebody that wouldn't even give me the time of day. Seriously.. What is it about you that makes you so irresistible to me? I know a bunch of other people can't see it or else you would have a ton of girls drooling at your feet (which is already kind of true..) Is it or me or something? Do I need therapy or something?! I'm so lost and dazed and confused and nothing ever makes me feel better.. I can't even make myself believe that you're happy with her.. all I can see is a lie, manipulation, re-bounding, etc... I'm just so proud of myself for holding myself together as well as I have, I never turned dark or anything but I have became angry and lashed out at people, but only one person and she was just pissing me off.. My emotions just flare up so suddenly and it's almost impossible to control... Maybe I'm the one who's fucked up.. maybe it's not just because he's with her that he doesn't want to be with me.. I don't know.. maybe I'm over-thinking things? or under-thinking? Fuck I don't know. I need guidance but I have never met someone who is in my position. Nobody comments on my blogs, I don't know why I write them. Just to please myself I guess. I don't know. I really just can't keep going like this, it feels like I'm walking on a tight rope and if I fall off, I don't know if I could ever get back up again. I can't obsess over you or stalk you or anything.. but I've never felt like I've needed someone SO much like this before. It's literally just like a intense craving that I just want to be in your presence, even if we aren't talking or touching or looking at each other, just to stand right next to you would be better than standing next to a very famous celebrity. Now I guess if somebody asked me if I would choose money over love.. I think I can say I'd choose love over money. Because if I was with somebody I really loved I'd already be extremely rich in my eyes. It really sucks too that my family is not accepting of you, I don't ever talk about you because all they have to say about you is bad things, they think you hurt me so much and that we were just troubled from the beginning, I've explained that it wasn't like that but my parents are so judgmental that it's terrible, first impressions are a huge deal with them I swear.. if you mess up at all they will just hate you for the rest of your life. My mom doesn't forget things easily... She finds a flaw in every single one of my friends and makes it hard for them to even come over to my house.. I seriously feel so alone right now. I need a hug, and somebody to kiss me and tell me it's all going to be better someday, that there is light at the end of the tunnel.