Respect Boundaries

Respect Boundaries,

In tears, again.. but thats all I ever am usually when I talk to you.. I feel so useless and so obsessed and crazy and insane and pitiful and miserable and everything. You're visiting again soon and staying for a long time.. I texted you that you wanted to see me and you hadn't even had my number saved... and you told me to respect you and hers boundaries because seeing me was not good for their relationship.. and deep down I know all of this, I know that you shouldn't want to see me.. I know that i'm not worth seeing anyways. I just felt like trying, and I feel like just giving up because I'm tired of feeling so worthless, so broken and wasted and everything.. but as much as I want to.. I can't. Although the light of hope towards us getting back together is now for certain much dimmer.. I just can't push my fucking brain into being useful because my heart keeps screaming that everything hurts and that I still care.. How could I give up on him when he tried so hard and long to not give up on me? I just really can't stop crying. I want to get away and never look back, erase everything and never know what love is again and stay alone for the rest of my life.. that seems the easiest way. Seriously who ever invented dating or relationships?! can't we all just be born near our soul mate and be attracted to them instantly and never have to date or get heartbroken at all? Arghh or why can't there just be a magic potion or word or something to make the guy you're in love with in love with you back? Life is so confusing and I just am so ready to quit and get out and blahjaegihjaewtiojweiotjaewiogjoigjraiowgtjiogwoavwj. If only suicide were legal, I could just go to my doctor and tell him I was ready to go and they could inject a harmless shot into your arm and everything would just slowly fade to black and you'd never wake up again.. I think that would solve also a lot of unhappy peoples problems.. but could also let mass murderers get away and never suffer for their deeds but whatever... I just ugh. I can't type anymore, I'm too upset. Why can't you just love me? I've seriously done nothing but fucking worship the ground you walk on.. and all I NEED desperately NEED is for one serious sit down session to talk about all my feelings and let out all of this built up pain.. but you won't even give me that. Fuck.