Unexpected Things

Unexpected Things,

Woohoo, another blog entry. Today is moving day, well we are packing everything up today. It has been a hard day, just watching everything come out of the house and watch it empty and empty more and more. So many things have happened though. First of all, I hit my one month mark with Lee.. then I texted Frank and we started talking again, turns out we just stopped talking because of misunderstanding, he wasn't mad at me or anything.. I don't know if I honestly believe that, he was pretty pissed at me when we stopped talking but I didn't want to start a fight. But before all of that, my psychiatrist upped my dosage of Lamictal to 100mg and I had a really bad reaction to it, I had to go the ER because I was having tremors so bad and uncontrollable shaking and falling and stumbling everywhere and all my lymph nodes were swollen so badly and I felt like I was just in a whole different mind state, fading in and out of reality and my memory was coming and going and lapsing so that I wouldn't know what I was saying or when I said it or why I said it and was fading out badly when people would talk to me.. so I told my mom about everything and they admitted me to the emergency room, gave me a huge old shot of benadryl and sent my back home. It made me mad because all of that, just to get a shot in my butt... I know that our money is tight and it shouldn't all be spent on me. Anyways, it's been 7 or 8 days since that incident and my reality is still a little hazy, sometimes I don't remember even making the decisions I've made (like saying something, etc) It's a little bit scary. I just want this all to fade and give me back my reality. Anyways.. So the night I started talking to Frank, he asked me to hang out so I went to his new apartment and it was kind of just like old times, a little bit awkward at first but then he wrapped his arm around me and kissed me and he had no idea that I had a boyfriend.. and for that moment, I forgot that I had a boyfriend too... I had to leave very suddenly though because it was 2am and my mom started texting me and telling me that if I didn't get home I would be kicked out.. so after that we've just been talking.. My family and I got into a huge fight yesterday afternoon though because they didn't want me cheating on Lee because he didn't deserve that and that they didn't appreciate how I acted sometimes, etc etc. (Brothers home from college for the thanksgiving break too!) and so I ended up just acting on impulse and texted Lee and broke up with him and I think he's pretty hurt. He played it off really cool but he said that he didn't even consider one month a relationship and that he could tell for a while that I just wasn't that in to him, etc etc. Then he went all over Facebook and started posting crap about how chicks just lie about who they are and he should only date chicks who like cats and video games and blah blah.. I know none of it is directed exactly towards me but it's still a hit at me and I don't appreciate the immaturity of that. Thanksgiving was fun.. boring.. we just looked at black friday deals, I bought a huge fish tank from my aunt for 25$ though, probably it was around 300$ brand new so it was a really good deal and it'll look awesome in the new house. just needs to be cleaned up and get some fish for it. I applied to NCTC today, hopefully to start college classes in the spring.. I'm excited but so nervous to grow up.. It seems like everything is just happening so fast and that's kind of how I figured this year would be. It's not easy but it'll be worth it. I never expected Frank to come back into my life though.. like never in a million years did I begin to imagine it.. same thing with Daniel though, never imagined we would be anything again and then he showed up and blew my whole mind away.. but me and him still aren't talking, probably Laura's fault since he's banging her again.. not my concern, I love Frank and that sounds crazy but it's true.. I don't know what him and I are though.. I don't think we're dating, I don't even know, friends with benefits? Who knows.. all I care about is that he is in my life. I saw Catching Fire with Alex last night though, he's a good friend I appreciate having, we had a good time, it was a good movie but so long, my legs were so cramped afterwards. I haven't really talked to any of my friends over the break, shows how much of "friends" they are. I'm not ready to go back to school on Monday.. I just need to get through it though I guess so I can graduate. I wish school just didn't involve seeing anyone though, I get so tired of the same high school bullshit. Everyone is so fake and it just doesn't impress me. I might be seeing Frank tonight.. I really hope I am. but until then, I'll write again later~ hopefully we will be in the new house by the time I write another blog :)!  This blog wasn't much about my feelings, just an update.. I'm not feeling too emotional lately. Just lovesick I guess. I wish relationships were easier for me. I watched my brother and his girlfriend today, and I kept asking myself if I would ever find somebody who looked at me like that and who cared like they do for eachother, I hope I do. They are perfect marriage material.